A Heart Full Of Ice
by crimsoneternal
Summary: She is a woman of the night's watch, sister to the black brother's of the wall. Five years the wall has been her home, five years the wall has been her prison.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors notes: Hey guys, so I've written the prologue for my "A heart full of ice", I feel a lot more comfortable with this scene for an opening to the story now as it gives you an idea of what happened before Jon and Bryanna came back to castle black.**

**I will say that this story revolves around season 3 and a bit of season 4 (haven't seen a lot of season 4 yet) but written in my own words, with a few of my OC involved.**

**I own Bryanna – The girl crow of castle black, Jon snows ex lover or is she?**

**Torin – Mance raydar's son, Prince of the wild-lings and Bryanna's capturer beyond the wall**

**Longhair – Jon snows friend at castle black**

**I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to George R R Martin's Game Of Thrones.**

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Prologue

**_Torin's POV_**

"Get after them!" The rasping voice of the wild-ling commander bellowed through the air. The rain pelted down upon them, unrelenting and unforgiving, striking hard at dirty faces and stinging eyes of hate,"Damn you, I said move, now! Or Mance will rip out your insides and feed them to the dogs."

The threat was enough to make them move fast, wild men broke into a run; war cry's emerging from their mouths as they sauntered forward, galloping in trained unison after the traitors.

"Run you traitor bastards," a muscle built wild-ling spat,"We will find you, and then you will taste the kiss of my blade." Mud scattered around the wild-ling hoard as their fur booted feet penetrated the soaked ground with heavy ferocity. They ran like a pack of wild dogs after them, hot on their scent, won't stop hunting them until they were dead.

On top of the hill, the king beyond the wall stared down at his men in cold silence as they hunted down the two turn cloaks, rain fell from his hair and onto his face, pooling down on his neck. Next to him, his son stood tall, staring into the distance as he watched the two silhouettes flee from sight. His blood boiled from the sting of betrayal, his grip white knuckled around the hilt of his sword,"They will die," Came the deep voice of his father Mance Raydar,"My men will show no mercy to these traitors now."

Torin did not need to look at his father to understand the meaning of his words; he kept his eyes forward, staring out onto the open plain,"What of the girl?" He finally questioned his father, at that Mance Raydar turned his wise eyes to look at his heir, eyes steady and firm,"She too will die." He told him,"She has betrayed us, we show no mercy to turn cloaks here" Torin turned his young face to look at his father's aged one, rain bounced off the young heirs cheeks and matted his long hair. When his son did not answer him Mance studied the look that was etched upon the young wild-ling prince's face, he could tell how tense his son had become, and he was livid yet confused,"You stole the crow girl, did you not?" The wild-ling king asked his son, a drawn out silence passed by before the son answered "aye" he replied.

"I did"

"Rumor has it that you developed an intriguing bond with her, would I be wrong to assume that?" Again the silence.

"No father" Torin replied turning his grey eyes to his lords,"I tried to understand the mind-set of the crows."

"And did you?"

It was a hard question to answer, he had indeed been shown how the mind of the crows worked, he had even sympathized with the crow girl, something that he never did, was trained never to do, yet she had been different, she had possessed the strength of the free folk, was strong and defiant, determined, all those attributes of a female crow were hard to come by Torin had found her interesting and she had possessed his mind ever since.

"Aye father, I did." he replied slowly, Mance Raydar studied the look upon his sons face and nodded," I think I understand now." he told his son, Torin stared at his father, already knowing what he was about to say "She was more than just a plaything to you wasn't she boy?" Torin felt the anger rise at the insinuation, his wild-ling side prominent now"She was just a trophy!" He hissed, he would not admit anything else, yet,"A trophy that belonged to you and was placed under your guard." His father replied and then he smirked at his son,"You feel for this crow, do you not?" Mance questioned.

"I feel nothing,"Torin replied.

"Yet you watch after her like a lost puppy." At that Torin turned his eyes back to the silhouettes disappearing into the mist of the rain

"It does not matter how I feel father, I don't know how I feel."

"Well you better start making up your mind boy, because come nightfall she will be slain along with that bastard lover of hers."

"What do you expect me to do father?!" Torin snapped impatiently,"You want revenge on snow? He has taken what you stole, us free folk don't just have a reputation fir stealing livestock boy." Torin looked to his king and frowned,"Speak plainly father."

"There's only one way to get her." Mance told him, placing a fur gloved hand onto his sons strong shoulder and looked deep into his eyes all that could be heard was the sound of the falling rain that soaked them as they stood atop the hill, Torin stared down at his father, readying himself for what was about to come, and then the king beyond the wall said what he had been waiting to hear all this time,"Steal her back." Without further hesitation Torin left his father's side, he would find the crow girl, she was his after all.

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**_Jon's Pov_**

The horse bolted through the rain like a streak of lightning, harsh winds and ice cold rain whipped through their hair and stung at their faces. Bryanna was breathing hard, the last fight they had with the wild-lings left her wounded and exhausted. Ever so slowly, her life was slipping away.

Jon spurred the horse onwards, faster and faster until they broke through into a clearing, the agonizing pain in his leg was excruciating from where Ygritte's arrow had pierced him, he refused to give into the pain he kept looking backwards over his shoulder to see who was in pursuit of them, they were being hunted now, For now they had outrun the wild-lings but for how long? They knew beyond the wall better than any ranger of castle black, they were not safe.

They rode on through darkness until the horse could take no more, whinnying, the horse reared backwards, throwing them violently onto the mud soaked ground. Bryanna cried out loudly as her body connected with the hard floor, mud spattered all over her face and in her hair, submitting to the pain, she rolled onto her back and let the rain pour down upon her.

Jon was thrown near a small river onto his back, he grunted as the pain set in, beside him the dying horse collapsed, crying in exhausted pain.

Ripping the arrow, from out of his leg he shouted out, the arrow had penetrated deep, taking steady breaths to ease the pain did nothing. Lifting his eyes he looked over to where Bryanna lay motionless. "Bry?" He said through gritted teeth, biting back the pain "Bry?" Slowly she began to stir on the floor. Grimacing, Jon pulled himself to stand, he faltered for a moment his leg giving out beneath him as he regained his balance.

The horse whinnied again as Bryanna forced herself to sit up,"The horse is lame." She whispered hoarsely,"We won't make it back to castle black before they find us."

Jon reached out his hand and pulled her to her feet,"We have to try" he told her breathing hard,"They will find us quicker if we stop moving, we need to go now!"

"Put the horse out of its misery Jon" She told him. With a final death scream from the loyal animal that had brought them this far, with one quick slice of a sword, the horse fell to silence. Bryanna stared at the lifeless creature with sadness in her eyes until Jon spoke. "We need to go"


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors notes: Here's chapter 2 rewrite (originally chapter 1)**

**Hope you enjoy.**

**_Bryanna's POV_**

The rain had finally saw fit to give mercy when soon it had finally stopped. Bryanna had finally collapsed from both exhaustion and her wounds, forcing Jon to assist her in her time of need. Jon had helped her walk by placing his arm around her back, draping her arm over his shoulder so, that she had the support she needed to keep walking. Her head hung limp, her long black hair was matted from the rain and clumps of it had twisted, mud streaked through her hair, she was a mess.

It was midday when they had stumbled upon a small stream, Jon knew that she needed to rest they had been walking for several days now without any sleep and any food or water, and he knew that if he was to collapse also then they both would surely stand no chance at survival,"Sit here." He said to her, helping her down onto her knees,"I'm going to get us some water, are you able to balance while I attend to this?" Lifting her tired eyes to look upon him her eyes burned with anger, he knew why that was but then she answered weakly,"Don't worry about me, Jon." It was almost a hiss but she was too weak to argue and to near death to care.

For a long moment Jon stared down at her in pained silence, the guilt he felt was unbearable, he knew he had hurt her, shattered her trust by sleeping with the flame haired wild-ling girl, but what else was he meant to do? The half-handed had told him not to balk; he had to do what was necessary to make them believe that he had turned his back upon the watch. Slowly he turned away to kneel down in front of the small stream, his leg began to throb but he ignored the searing pain and cupped his hands into the cool refreshing water and then placed it to his mouth to drink. Instantly the cold water soothed him and he continued to drink, his mind was elsewhere as he drank thinking about what the lord commander would say to him now that he had broke his vows and had become a traitor to the watch, they would surely behead him now. Rising to stand again Jon turned around to check upon her but what he saw, he was not prepared for.

_**Jon's POV**_

Kissed by fire, the wild-ling spear wife stood staring at him, bow drawn and arrow notched. Ygritte stood behind Bryanna, with her arrow pointing at the crow girl's head her face revealed the hurt and betrayal that she felt when she had watched her lover run off with the crow girl, leaving her to choke on her feelings for such a traitor bastard. Silence consumed them as Jon stared in pained silence at the flame haired wild-ling before him, he knew if he said one wrong thing then she would kill Bryanna and then revel him in his own death afterwards, but this was no time to lie anymore, he had to be honest, he had to make her understand that there was no life for them and for some strange reason that realization hurt him more than he thought it would.

"Ygritte," He whispered softly, at the mention of her name she grew angry and drew her bow string tighter, her face now beginning to show the hurt that she felt inside by looking at him now,"Let her go." He said,"Please, it's not her fault, none of this is her fault, I was the one who betrayed you, not her." Angered again by his words she furiously hit Bryanna across the head with her fist and pushed her onto her side on the ground, he watched as she was rendered unconscious, it was just the two of them now. "You wont hurt me," He said to her, at that she drew her bow to lock on him, she was shaking he knew,"You know nothing, Jon Snow." She whispered shakily, Jon smiled at her words then but then turned serous again,"I do know some things," he told her, looking into her eyes he said,"I know I love you." at his words tears formed in the spear wife's eyes,"I have to go now." He told her,"I'm sorry." As he turned his back from her, he heard cry for the first time but then it was replaced with the sound of her arrow being loose, another pain shot through his shoulder blade before another shot through his arm and another back. Grunting from the pain he fell forward onto the ground, mud filled his mouth. Before him he could see the horse that she had followed them on and in one quick fluid motion he clambered to his feet, adrenaline running high, mounted the horse and rode up to where Bryanna lay unconscious, he pulled her up onto the horse before kicking the horse into a gallop, they would make it back to castle black one way or another. Around him more arrows reigned down upon him, but he ignored the pain and spurred the horse onward into the night.

"Open the gate!" One of the guards of the watch bellowed from atop the wall,"Ranger's returning!" The frozen metal gates of the castle creaked open followed by a plague of black brothers emptying out into the white snow. Another of the black brothers reached a hand out to calm the horse that was panicking from fear and exhaustion,"Whoa," He comforted the horse,"Whoa now." An old ranger stepped forward and looked at the two bodies that lay in the snow unconscious and bleeding profusely,"Get Master Ameon, lads," he told them,"Snow, has returned with our lady crow."

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_**Bryanna's POV**_

The air of that frosty morning was bleak. In silence she stared out across the frozen barrier, the north icy winds ripping at her black cloak, whipping through her hair casting a black veil over her face. Her eyes were fixed upon the ice wastelands, but her mind was elsewhere. The raven had come at first light bearing news that was about to tear her own and Jon Snows life apart forever. The old saying said dark wings dark words. Never could those words be any more right. When he had first told her of the letter and what it had consisted of his more than usual calm demeanor unnerved her. Her reaction she knew he had not anticipated but she could not stop the screaming or the tears that fell bitterly from her eyes with anger and hatred for Robb Stark's murder. It was midday now and it seemed that she could cry no more. In its place numbness grasped at her heart, and it was not from the cold. She wanted to be alone. She knew if she lingered around people, that she would shatter into a million tiny pieces like glass. At least atop the great wall she need not worry of who saw? That's when she fully shattered and the tears fell unrelenting and uncontrollably from her eyes. Frustrated cry's and gasps of breaths consumed her as reality set in. In her moment of despair she felt his hand upon her shoulder. Her cry's ceased instantly at his touch. "I won't think you any less a warrior just because you show emotion." He whispered. "To cry is to be weak," She answered in a solemn bitter voice. She heard him laugh at her in playful disapproval. But when she turned her tear stained face to look upon his there was no one there. And that's when the tears began to fall again bitterly and angrily haltingly. Of course Robb Stark wouldn't be near her at the wall. He was dead. Had been brutally murdered at the red wedding. A name that fit all to painfully well. Assassinated along with Catalyn stark and a good number of many brave knights and men It was her imagination running muck. Her mind conjuring up visions of things that she longed to see and here Things that Robb stark would say. Make her believe. Make her strong. But he was dead now and so were hopes. She had loved the king of the north as a lover once. Before her feelings for Jon. It had only been a quick romance but she knew that he had loved as fiercely as he had fought. When it had ended and they both decided to remain close friends she was content and saw him as her own brother. The way it was meant to be. It was Robb stark who had first taught her how to fight with a sword. He would train with her relentlessly day and night, waving her protests of being tired and wanting to stop, away. His answer answer to her protest would always be,"In the midst of battle would you stop even for a brief moment because your arm tires?" She remembered how she never gave an answer to that question as it ticked over in her mind now. And then suddenly she found herself answering it, a little too late,"No Robb," She whispered,"My arm would never tire now."


	3. Chapter 3

He sat on the edge of his bed in silence. In his hand the white parchment was held firmly within his grasp. He had read the words over and over again but each time he read them the words refused to sink into his mind. How could his brother be dead? The war had turned in Robb starks favour. The king of the north had the upper hand. What went wrong?. He was betrayed that's what went wrong. He was betrayed by the Frey's and his man Roose Bolton who had pledged to his lord father Eddard stark before him. Jon's heart burned furiously with hatred. He was angry that he wasn't there to have fought by his brothers side in his last moments. He hadn't seen Robb in nearly 3 years. So much had happened since the day they had said goodbye at winter fell. Jon had left a boy but he was determined to return a man. At least a man of the nights watch. In the hearth the fire crackled feebly. The flames were dying the fire was in desperate need of more wood to resurrect the flames

but his body refused to move to tend to it. He did not care for the fire. He was lost in his own thoughts. From outside of his chambers there came footsteps and then a knock upon the wood door. He ignored it he did not want to be bothered. He was in mourning. The door to his chambers creaked open. He knew someone had entered but he refused to look at the intruder of his privacy. Quietly he heard the soft click of his chamber door close. Had they left? Slowly he turned his tired eyes to see but saw that she stood there before him. Jon was taken aback by the state of her appearance her long black hair that was usually full of life and bounce hung limp and greasy over her shoulders now. Her brown eyes were rimmed red from crying and he knew that she had not slept for grief. Her face was sickly white. She was a ghost of her former self but he knew that she would remain strong no matter how much pain or grief she felt. But as she looked at him now he saw

that she was about to break. None of them spoke their communication was done through the look they gave each other. She was fumbling with her hands unsure of why her feet had carried her to his chambers. She was nervous something that she never was. After a long silence Jon looked away. For a long moment she remained where she was standing eyes downcast. Then she lifted her eyes and looked at the dying embers of the fire. In a slow movement she walked over to the hearth and kneeled down in front of the flame and picked up a log that was from the pile of wood and placed it onto the burning embers. Instantly the flames began to lick hungrily at the wood. "You should not let your fire die out Jon" She whispered hoarsely with her back towards him. She turned her head to look at him then to find that he was already watching her. "You should be resting" he told her his voice flat and solemn "the lord commander said that you could take a day of rest" their eyes

locked "he also said the same of you" he looked away then "i cannot" he whispered

"Have you tried?" She asked sheepishly

"Have you?" He answered. She did not reply to that for she knew that none of them could rest with such a tragedy hanging over their heads. She looked down at the parchment that he held within his grasp and felt her stomach turn over "jon..." she whispered he looked up "burn it" jon studied her for a long moment before he answered her "ive tried many a time since the raven brought the news this morning" he began "i just cannot find the strengh to part with it yet...its the last memory of robb i have" she felt great pity for him then "a memory of his death?" She whispered "do you really want to remember robb as being cold and lifeless or would you rather remember him as the strong and couragous wolf that house stark's sigil bared?" Her voice was feeble and she failed to make the strong statement that she desired to say. She could feel the bitter tears welling. Jon looked at her fully then "the last time i saw robb he was in the courtyard at winterfell. We

were leaving for the wall with uncle benjen. He said the next time that he saw me id be all dressed in black." Bryanna weakly smiled hopelessly at the memory. "I remember" she whisperd "that was a hard day for all" jon stared at her and then bowed his head " yes it was" he whispered "it was the last time that I saw father to...before..." silently bryanna stood up and sat next to him. "So much death has happend" she whispered "so many innoccent lives taken all for the war of the realm. Sometimes i wonder jon is it even worth it?" Jon sat forward on the bed staring at the parchment "robb believed it was" he whispered. At his words bryanna reached out and gently placed her hand onto his in a comforting gesture. He sat back but when he looked at her his eyes held silent tears behind them. Bryanna felt his pain and it stung her she wished that she could take the pain that they both felt away but that would be useless because the pain would never go away

now. "All that we have endured over the last year with the wildlings and mance" he broke off and looked at her "ygritte". It was like he had hit her at the mention of his wildings whores name. She would never recover from jons betrayal with the flame haired girl he had done it as part of his duty as did she have to with a wildling prince "please jon" she hung her head to hide the tears that fell "dont do this now"

"You are my oldest friend bry" he whispered "i hurt you and now you are broken...if you had stayed at winterfell with robb..."

"Then robb would have still rode to war" she told him firmly "my prescence in winterfell would have changed nothing jon. Robb was a grown man who thought for himself. Even if i had tried to change his mind and sway him from his choice he would have found another way you know that. He was lord starks son he was as stubborn and determined just as you are"

"But he would have had you instead of me. You could have helped him bry" bryannas eyebrows furrowed at that "he did have me once jon" she told him "but we both knew that we wasnt truly happy and so we ended it. Robb knew who's heart i truly belonged to. He was no fool." Jon stared at her "no.. he was not" he answered "jon you must not blame yourself for his death" she whispered "it was not your fault" "i should have been there" he spat icily "i should have been there to defend my brother" "but you wasnt" she answered back "instead you were doing your duty that you are bound to. There is more than one war that is going on in the seven kingdoms jon" he did not answer her even though he knew her words spoke true. When he did not answer byranna rose from the bed and walked over to the door "i should go" she told him quietly with her back too him. He had hurt her with his words he knew "before ser allister catches me in here" and then she was gone. For a long

time jon sat staring at the parchment before making his descion. When he rose to his feet he walked over to the fire and watched the flames then in a swift movement he tossed the parchment onto the flames and watched as his past burned away before him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors notes: Hi everyone, ok so this is the new chapter 4.**

**Enjoy.**

**Crimsoneternal**

_**Longhair's POV**_

"I heard a rumour that there is to be a trial" Grenn said as he shovelled, spoonful after spoonful, of lumpy gruel into his hungry mouth.

"Shout it out a bit louder why don't ya, i don't think the whole hall heard ya" his long haired friend scolded him as he looked uncomfortably over his shoulder to survey the gathering crowds of starving crows who piled up to get their morning bowl of gruel.

Cold eyes glared over at their table, with intent to threaten and intimidate those who sat around it.

"What?" Grenn spat "it's true isn't it! It's not like it some big secret or something"

"Has your bowl of gruel clogged your ears man? Or are you just plain thick?" Longhair hissed, turning his head back to stare at his dumbfounded friend, "why do you think that new piece of meat from kings landing has been following thorn around like a lost sheep? They know something's up with what happened beyond the wall, they know what happened with Jon and her, that's why it's such a big a secret, and then there's you just shouting out so all the men can fucking here"

Grenn stared at longhair then, his eyes turning serious for a moment "is it that serious?" He asked, when his friend nodded in reply, he placed the wooden spoon aside, suddenly losing his appetite, the realization of how serious the matter was suddenly dawned on him.

"Does Jon know there is to be a trial?" He whispered to his friend, the hall had grown loud with the morning banter of the men of the watch around them, where once the hall used to be filled with the husky laughs of middle aged men and obscene jokes, in its place now was only silence as they all mourned for the losses that had occurred beyond the wall. Before longhair could answer, a feeble voice answered the question for them; "no" it said "Jon does not know"

Turning their heads to look at the one who answered, to their discovery, they found the voice belonged to the fat nervous boy, Samwell Tarly. Sweat glistened on his forehead and he fumbled with his hands as they stared at him in uncomfortable silence.

After a long pause Grenn spoke "Tarly?" He questioned "what do you mean no not yet? Is he to?

Know soon?" Instantly, the fat boy grew ever more nervous and began to trip over his words,

"I...I... I have already said to much" he panicked "I.. I must go and tend to the ravens" he made to leave but longhair spoke.

"You ain't going nowhere tarly, not until you've told us what the fuck is going on Got it? Jon's our friend, and if something is being planned against him then we want to know, so sit down, shut the fuck up and eat a bowl of gruel' without another word, the fat boy obeyed.

_**Bryanna's POV**_

"Notch Draw Loose" The voice of the new weapons master commanded. In a line of ten, stood the boys of the watch, bows raised and strings drawn, eyes focused on the target a battered old straw dummy that was used for archery practise and sword play.

In unison, they released the arrows, flying through the grey sky only to reign down on the defenceless dummy at hand. All arrows missed the target, all except one that protruded from the bullsye, a big long arrow jutted out from the straw dummy's heart.

"Hold fire" the voice of the weapon master thundered "who shot that arrow?" He demanded, when no one answered he shouted again "speak!"

All heads turned slowly towards the culprit, the look upon their faces shock and disgust

The weapon master glared in contempt as his own beady eyes followed theirs.

"A girl" He questioned bitterly. She stood at the end of the line with eyes of pure hate, challenging them to mock her further, the master laughed mockingly "you shot that arrow?" She could feel the anger rising "I did" she replied coldly "would you like me to draw again as you had trouble witnessing the first time?" She taunted.

Grunting, the master walked towards her, disgust in his eyes, she knew why, it was because she was a woman of the watch. She did not move from where she stood, refusing to let him intimidate her, she was ready. "Well well, what do we have here then? A girl playing at the spoils of war" The young men of the watch laughed at that, her eyes narrowed at his aggro, the master stood in front of her and glared down at her in hate "Why don't you just run along home girl, go back to the whorehouse from which you came" Her fingers twitched at his words, "I am home" she said dangerously "the watch has been my home for 5 years"

"Is that so?" He spat disbelievingly "and who may I ask permitted such an atrocity?"

"The lord commander mormont" she replied coldly "i would suggest that you speak with him, but it would be a bit difficult now that he lies cold in the ground, slain by his own sworn brothers" she retaliated venomously.

"Witty aren't we "he mocked "i like a challenge, but if I were you then I would hold your tongue, that is dangerous talk, who do you think you are girl? Your nobody, your just a bitch on heat who's in need of a hound" again the mockery, white hot anger flashed inside of her then and suddenly all she could see was herself standing over the dead body of the master at arms, revelling in his death. Something had changed since returning from beyond the ice wastelands and now all she could think about was death.

Death, death was everywhere, Mormonts death had been tragic, he had been like a father to her, but what she grieved for most of all, was for Robb Stark who had been savagely murdered at his own wedding by the Frey's, the red wedding they were calling it and rightfully so.

Forcing her from the bitter memory, she turned all the rage she felt for Robb's murder towards the man that stood in front of her now, he did not scare her, and she was used to scum in her face.

"I'm the bitch who risked her life for the watch," she countered, the master fell silent, "this bitch has witnessed the strategy of the wildlings, learned their ways of war and then returned alive to castle black with inside information that none of you of you would have known if not for me"

Her words enraged him, she saw, "who do you think you are?" He growled leaning forward to stare into her face, his teeth were black and rotten she saw and his breath was rancid. She did not flinch away from him, she stood her ground eyes staring emotionlessly into his ragged face.

"I already told you" she said "I'm the bitch who knows what's behind that wall of ice" she repeated "and when they come for you, it will be I that stands the better chance of survival than you"

"We shall see about that" he growled "mormont may have allowed you to stay here at the wall but that old bastard is dead now, I'll see to it that your thrown beyond the wall and left to freeze before anyone can hear you scream, you will be begging for death before the end" she openly laughed at his words then, "no my lord, it will be you who will be begging for death once you see the dead coming for you" she spoke her words with so much certainty that she saw the colour drain from his face, she knew that he knew she spoke true, but she did not care she hoped that he would die and all like him.

"get out of my sight girl" he hissed dangerously "you think you can frighten me with talk of what's behind that pile of ice, well we'll see about that once I speak ser Aliister about your nascence presence, and then we'll see who's the one that will be begging for a quick death" and with that he turned his madden gaze back to men of the watch, "Again, notch, draw, loose"

Turning away from the practise, she made her way to the armoury, there had been another snowstorm during the night covering the courtyard in a blanket of white, fresh snow crunched beneath her boots as she made her way to unequippe her bow, a dangerous silent fury burned with such an intense ferocity inside of her that she was afraid that her pain would burst out in flames out of her chest, as she placed the bow with the others on the rack, she remembered the words he had spoken last night of his brothers murder, it pained her and she grieved intensely but she could not let it show, she could not break, would not, not now not ever.

Sighing heavily bryanna took a deep steady breath to try and clear her head, she was shaking and she knew it was not from the cold, she had began shaking at times lately for no reason at all and she also found it hard to breathe, sometimes she would feel as if she was dying. A sudden fear grasped at her then and she suddenly found herself wanting to flee from the armoury and get somewhere safe, her chambers was her sanctuary and so as she turned in a hurry towards the open door, she stopped dead in tracks, eyes wide and staring at who was before her, he was standing there like a shadow watching her with an intense gaze, eyes cold and face emotionless. Jon snow waited for her to speak.

"Jon?" she said, her voice shaking slightly from surprise and from her sudden attack, "what are you doing?" slowly then he walked into the armoury and picked up a sword, the steel glinted in the dim candlelit room, "training" he replied flatly "isn't that we all do here?" he questioned strained. She watched him carefully as he studied the blade of his sword, caressing its sharp edge like a lover's touch, a touch that she once knew, now lost, and now destroyed.

He would not say it, but in the candlelight, her raven hair looked like if it was kissed by fire, the instant memory of the flame haired wildling girl flooded back to him, the last time he had saw her was at the fist of the first men when she had had him slave to her bow, waiting to fire an arrow through his chest, all because she couldn't stand to hear goodbye, he had told her that he had loved her, and maybe for a short time he had, but what was love to him now? Love was dead, along with his brother and the lord commander. Death had come to the watch and it would not leave until all the black souls were claimed.

"I must go" she told him, beginning to walk past him "sam needs my help in the kitchens and I promised that I would assist him" it was a lie she knew but all she wanted was to spend five Minuit's alone, he let her go, watching her quietly as she left, brown eyes soft and pained. she had not slept in nearly three days, she felt mentally and physically exhausted, being away from castle black so long has interfered with herself. So many things had happened and so much change anew, how was they to cope after battling a gruelling war with the wildlings? How could they protect each other if they hardly spoke? How was there to be any hope if they didn't talk? How was there to be any chance of winning the battle of ice?


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's notes: Hi everyone, chapter 5 is up.**

**Please read and review.**

**Enjoy.**

_**Torin's POV**_

"What news?" The wildling king interrogated the lord of bones as he stormed into the wildling kings tent. Torin entered behind him, his face stern as he watched his father question Rattleshirt. "The scum has reached the wall Crow king" Rattleshirt hissed, "The bastard and his whore are beyond our reach now" Mance Raydar glared at his captain in cold contemplation, staring firmly into the eyes of his trusted man. "I see" the king beyond the wall said calmly, Torin knew his fathers anger was only lying dormant, he watched in silence from the corner of the kings tent pouring himself a horn of wine, all the while his eyes did not leave his fathers or the lord of bones faces. "And what do you intend to do about this Rattleshirt?" Mance questioned, even though his voice remained calm his eyes greatly showed his displeasure for the news that the lord of bones shared and Rattleshirt knew it. "I have my best men on it m' lord" he rasped through the half skull mask that concealed his face. Mance nodded slowly then "You best had" he told him, his face changing into a stern authorative glare "I need that crow alive, so you had better be quick about deciding your next move" it wasn't an order it was a threat. 'Aye m lord" the lord of bones rasped and then turned in a fluid motion and stormed harshly out of the tent, the bones of the dead clanking as he left.

For a long moment silence prevailed. Mance raydar stared after Rattleshirt long after he had made his exit; Torin watched his father carefully before the king turned his eyes to his son's. "What news of Ygritte?" He finally asked his son, turning his back on him as he sat upon the furs on the mudded floor. Torin drank from the horn before answering, "She rode after them after they betrayed you with intent to kill her bastard lover and the crow girl" he told his king. Mance noted how his son said betrayed "you" instead of us" but he displayed no emotion that he knew "She rode after them on the fastest horse that our clan has got, that was two days past now, and still there is no sign"

"Ygritte is a strong one" he told his son "She stands for no dishonour no betrayal, she is true to her blood and will slay any who betray her" Torin stared at his father with his grey eyes, "Aye that be true" he answered "But she let her guard down the moment that she trusted that a crow would turn his back on the night's watch" Mance openly laughed at his son then "Aye my boy that is true, but then again, I turned my back on the watch did I not? I am traitor to the sworn brothers and only because I chose a life of freedom" Torin did not return the laugh. There was a time when once he would have jested with his father about the betrayal of the watch but ever since the crow girl something inside of him began to change how he perceived them. "The crow is loyal father" he said "It was a mistake to ever let him enter our midst, he has learnt our ways, knows our plans, he will reveal everything to his other crow friends before we ever have a chance at getting to them unseen"

Mance Raydar studied his son for a long moment his words had not gone unnoticed "You speak as if there was only one crow that entered our camp" he answered grimly "Have you forgotten boy that there was another? A girl in fact The same girl that you are pining for at this very moment" Torin could see the anger in his father eyes even though his voice showed no signs "I have not forgotten father" he answered strongly, he had his fathers strong willed temper. Slowly the wildling king rose to his feet and came face to face with his son. "What makes you think that the crow girl won't spill any of our plans to the rest of them?" he asked "She is just as loyal as the rest of them, bound to the same oath, sworn to the same vows, why do you have so much faith in our enemy?"

"She is different" he finally replied, his eyes fixated upon his lord fathers "There was something about the way that she spoke about the watch, about its men, she reached out to me" Mance smiled an intimidating grin "And you believed her?" he questioned. It took a long moment before Torin could answer his father's question, had he believed her? "I believe that she wants a lot more out of life than serving in a place where you live by the rules of others, why would she commit to a life where you can't sleep with a man beside you? Or even fuck?"

"Torin my boy, she is a crow, do you honestly think that she wasn't aware of what she was committing to the moment that she took her vows?, crows are clever creatures, they can deceive you into believing what they say is true, they tell you things that you want to here"

When his son looked away from him Mance tilted his head in a curious manner "There is something that your not telling me my son" it was not a question but a statement "This crow girl has gotten to you hasn't she?" slowly Torin his eyes to look at his fathers a sudden anger burning within his grey eyes "Do you take me as a fool father?" he hissed "Do you really think that I would fraternize with the enemy?"

"Yes" his father replied simply "I do" white hot anger flashed in the wildling princes face then his father saw. "I am not the traitor here" Torin said dangerously quite "All I have done I have done for our people, If that included lying with a crow girl then so be it". There was the answer that his father had been waiting to here. There was a long pause between father and son before finally an approved smile formed upon the wildling kings face. Torin stared at his father waiting for him to speak, he was breathing hard from anger but then the anger faded when his father smiled and said to him "Wait atop the skerling pass and see if there is any signs of ygritte, when your done return to me at once, we have a lot of planning to do" with that Torin bowed his head before his father lifted his eyes to his and said "Aye m'lord" and sauntered out into the snowy crusted ground. At his sons exit Mance watched him go the same smile still etched upon his lips "Well done my boy" he said to no one "You have done well"

_**Bryanna's POV**_

"So that's what happened" the fat boy whispered through the icy air. "Yes" she whispered "and since our return everything has changed" Bryanna turned her brown eyes to look at her friend "even you Sam"

"Me?" Sam well Tarly squeaked. Again she almost laughed at his innocence but the pain that she felt kept her from doing so. "I have heard the men talking" she whispered "they say that you slew a white walker with your own hands" Bryanna could see the fear behind the fat boys eyes as he stared wide eyed into her own "and I believe them"

Swallowing from nervousness he began fumbling with his hands "I didn't do anything really" he said "all I did was" "kill it?! She finished for him "Sam that in itself is a heroic thing to do. How many of us can say that we came face to face with a white and lived to tell the tale?" He didn't answer "I was protecting Gilly" his voice said quietly, almost shamefully "Gilly?" Bryanna asked raising her eyebrow's, Samwell Tarly lifted his eyes to look at her then "a wildling" he whispered ashamed but then finished his sentence quickly by saying "but it wasn't anything like that, she was one of craster's daughters, heavily pregnant, she was afraid that if she birthed a boy that Craster would give her baby to the.. The White walkers" the girl that he spoke of tripped a strong feeling of recognition and then she knew "She was the girl who begged Jon to take her away from Crasters' keep? The young girl frightened for her life?" When Sam nodded in answer Bryanna studied his worried expression "I didn't do it on purpose" he began

To flounder; "I... I... only wanted to help her. I know she is a wildling"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence, she cut him off "its ok Sam" she told him "I understand" turning her eyes away to look out over the vast white plains she heard him say "but I broke my oath to the watch" at his words she felt like laughing a bitter laugh but instead her face remained emotionless all bar a single stray tear that leaked from the corner eye and froze upon her cheek. "We've all broken our oaths for the watch" she whispered to the wind.

-—-—-

_**Jon's POV**_

"Snow" A harsh voice bellowed through the air, looking up from his opponent Jon snows eyes fixed upon the person whose voice it belonged to. It was the thorns new pet, Janos Slynt, an ex member if the Kingsguard. For a long moment Jon did not move from where he stood, anger burned through his veins as he stared hatingly at the middle aged man who glared back at him with intent to threaten. Jon was not threatened, he had dealt with worse men than the excuse for a ranger that stood before him now, he had grown a man beyond the wall had become strong; he refused to be intimidated by the man that stood before him.

Slowly, Jon handed the wooden sword to the boy that he had been sparring with, a new recruit of the watch, not even one and five, skilled in the ways if theft and not nearly enough skilled in the art of the sword. Things had worsened since he had been gone, dramatically. "Take this back to the armoury" Jon told him as he handed him the blade all the while his eyes never leaving thorns pet. He walked over to him then eyes cold and face blank.

Slynt regarded Jon in a sarcastic manner, slyly smirking as he came to stop in front of him "I have heard a lot about you bastard" he sneered, provoking Jon's anger. Jon remained calm he would not let him draw his fire "and I you my lord" he replied coldly.

At Jon's words Slynt raised his chin in an intimidating manner "so it may seem" he answered "but whatever you think you know about me, think again" Jon regarded the southerner in cold silence, studying his face, his eyes, he was a typical slave to the south and very far away from home.

"I was instructed to find you bastard" he snapped "you found me" Jon answered dangerously. Slynt smirked at that "aye" he said "where's that little whore of yours?" He questioned "the girl?" Jon's eyebrows furrowed at that "I don't know" he answered truthfully "why?"

"Don't stick your nose in where it don't belong snow" Slynt snapped "find her, and once you do the new lord commander wants to see you both" again he smirked nastily down at him before turning on his heel and walking back to the commanders tower, snow crunching underneath his heavy boots as he went.

Jon did not need to ask to know why they had both been summoned. It was obvious why. Beyond the wall, the wildlings, turning their cloaks, Ygritte and the wildling prince, their vows, they had betrayed the watch in good faith only to die now for turning their cloaks.

Staring over at the winch cage, he battled with himself in his mind to enter it and find Bryanna. He knew where she would be but found that he could not face her without the guilt hitting him in the face each time he looked at her. He had already lost his lord father and his brother Robb, how much more loss was he to endure before the battle of the north began?


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes: Hey guys so this is chapter 6. A lot of people have been recommending that I put in some flashbacks about Bryanna's past so I have given it a go.**

**Bare in mind that there will be more flash blacks or past relations as the story progresses and you will continue to find out more about Bryanna, who she is and what not.**

**I hope you guys enjoy it so please read and review.**

**Thank you to everyone who has given me great advice and reviews so far and even those who are following my story. Means a lot.**

**Well enjoy.**

**xx **

_Past 5 years ago._

_**Jory's POV**_

She had been a girl of one and 2 when she first entered the vast castle of winterfell five years past. She had been abandoned by her parents, left alone to fend for herself with no knowledge of how to look after herself in such a cruel world. Young and naïve, she had taught herself to embrace the harsh winter nights that would accompany her throughout her adolescence; accepted that she would no longer have a warm fire to sleep by at night when the icy air bit at her face and embedded itself in her bones.

It had been Lord Eddard Starks man Jory that had found her lying unconscious in the Godswood that night. Her dress that her mother, Lady Anya had given to her before she died was now torn to shreds and speckled in blood. Her face was covered in mud and her hair tangled in knots, at first glance Jory had mistaken her for a wildling until he looked upon her face and recognized her nobility. Kneeling down to the young girl before him he gently brushed her tangled hair from off of her face, revealing the little lady that it concealed beneath. At his touch Bryanna stirred and then tired eyes looked up to the man that knelt beside her. Jory softly smiled at her before he spoke "Hello little lady" he had said gently not to frighten her "what are you doing out here on your own?"

Bryanna blinked slowly, the exhaustion consuming her once more. She battled with herself to stay awake but before she submitted to the sensation she spoke in a dry horse voice and said "wolves" and then sleep took her once more.

...

"You found her lying in the godswood?" Catalyn stark questioned the young man that stood before herself and her husband. "Unconscious and almost dead" Jory nodded in answer to her question. "Aye my lady" Jory said "she was lying in the Godswood, alone and unconscious, at first I mistook her for a wildling but then I recogonized her face" Cat looked at her husband wide eyed and in shock "Gods be good Ned" she said to him distraughtly "why would Lord Arrys do such a thing?"

Lord Eddard stark looked at Jory with his grey eyes and then back to his red haired wife. Sighing he told her "I don't know my love" he said "but we will find out" Looking worriedly into her lords eyes she said "will we keep her here Ned? The world is no place for a young girl of such an age to wander at night, especially up here in the north, god knows what would become of her if we let her out of our sight"

Eddard stark fell silent for a moment before he finally answered his worried wife; It seemed that she was showing more care for this girl that she did not even know than to his bastard son Jon Snow. "She can stay here with us until we find out what happened to her" he said "I will keep her as my own personal ward, she will be under my care until the truth reveals itself until then it is your duty my love to prepare the children that we have a new ward staying with us, I am sure Robb will be thrilled" he added smiling down at his wife. Looking at her husband, Catalyn Stark closed her eyes in relief before she said "thank you my love" and then left the chamber in silence.

A long silence prevailed between Jory and Eddard Stark before either of them spoke. They exchanged glances as Cat left and only began speaking again when they knew that she was plainly out of sight. "I know that look" Jory said to Ned. "Something is amiss here" Eddard said "I have known Lord Arrys and Lady Anya for many a year, they were good friends of ours, I don't understand why they would do this to their own daughter"

"mayhaps she is a runaway?" Jory asked "You know how children can be" Eddard shook his head at that. "No my friend" he said "Something else is amiss, Lord Arrys lived in an estate near Deepwood Motte, he was always a gentle man and so was his wife" Ned Stark pulled his eyebrows together as he lost himself deep in his thoughts. "How are we going to find out what happened my lord?" Jory asked. Slowly Lord Eddard Stark turned his wise eyes to look at the sleeping girl on the bed of furs and said to his friend matter of factly "Her"

**Past – 5 years later**

_**Bryanna's POV**_

"My lord stark, you wanted to see me?" Her voice sounded on the balcony of winterfell's castle. Eddard stark stood watching his youngest son Bran practise for another day the art of the bow, his eldest son Robb watched his brother closely with his arms folded across his chest while beside him lord starks bastard son jon snow watched on in silence as the boy notched his arrow to his bow.

At the sound of her voice Eddard stark turned his comley face to look at the young ward before him. He softly smiled down at her before he began to speak.

"Lady Bryanna" he greeted her gently, inclining his head to the side in a sign of respect to her presence. The young adolescent stared up at the gentle lord; he always greeted her with the same formality, one that she had no right to.

"You wanted to speak with me m' lord?" She said. "Yes" he replied "I have some news that I must discuss with you". Bryanna watched Lord Eddard Stark's eyes as he spoke his last sentence and noticed how he looked away from her. His action pricked her curiosity, he only used this action when he was about to deliver news that he found uncomfortable. In that alone, lord stark had morals.

"What is it m'lord" at her words he looked back at her. "You have been a ward of mine ever since the day you were found in the Godswood" he began "I took you under my wing after the death of your father and mother, I have done a favour for you my lady and now the time comes to ask you a favour in return"

She listened carefully in silence, watching his calm face. The sound of another arrow being loosed pierced the silence drawing her attention to look down at Bran and the two oldest boys that cheered him on. "You are no longer a child now it seems, you have become a woman grown and old enough to wed and bear children" suddenly Bryanna knew what it was he was about to say to her and it made her nauseous. Slowly lord stark continued his grey eyes studying her carefully, trying to choose his words as best he could.

"You are to marry Robb" he told her. Bryanna could not contain the horrified look upon her face as she communicated the words that had just been spoken. Marry Robb stark? What? "M..marry Robb?" she stuttered "But my lord I am not a suitable choice for your son, I have no ranking" well she did but she rather forget her past. Ned Stark smiled at her fright "It's a normal thing to expect your reaction" he told her "I dare say that Cat did the exact same thing when she found out that she were to wed me"

"But my lord I…" she began "Robb is like a brother to me" she told him "It would feel wrong if I were to wed him" Her heart was racing now and all she was thinking about was if Robb knew that she was to be his bride? If he did know then he was doing a bloody good job of covering it up with all his laughs and smiles that was emanating from him. "Not many marry for love my lady" he told her "Cat and I did not when we first wed; in fact we married out of companionship and also because our duty demanded it of us"

"Yes my lord but you and Lady stark love each other now though" she said "I love Robb my lord but I only love him as a brother, I don't want to hurt him if I cannot return what he expects of me" Softly Ned stark smiled down at his young ward "There is so much that you need to learn still little lady" he told her "You don't always have to wed out of love, yes it is helpful if you feel strongly for the lord that you are marrying but in fact a lot of kings and queens marry out of hate and then _learn _to love each other as the years go on"

When she did not reply he laughed again at her shocked face "You needn't worry about Robb knowing" he told her "He has already been made aware of his duty and he has accepted it" somehow those words just made her even more shocked. So Robb _did _know about this and most of all he _agreed _to it? She was almost hyperventilating.

"May I be excused my lord?" Bryanna whispered barley audible, a sudden urge to vomit rising strongly. Eddard Stark smiled at his ward and nodded before he left her with the news swimming around in her head.


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors Notes: Hey guys do chapter 7 is up. There is an insert of a flashback from when Bryanna and Jon were in Mances camp, pretending to be turn cloaks. This flashback is Bryanna's, it focus on her and Torin.**

**Contains references of rape.**

* * *

_**Bryanna's POV**_

A small fire crackled in an alcove of the wall. Bryanna watched the flames dance; as the cold winds of the north blew them and made the flames entwine like orange fingers.

She was alone and lost in her thoughts. Painful memories of her life as a wild-ling slave; beaten and raped countless times by rough and callused hands of foul unmerciful men; at the command of the king beyond the wall; Mance Raydar.

But then there was him; the wild-ling prince; tall and young with hair that cascaded to his lower back, straight and mousy brown. Torin; Mance Raydar's son. It was Torin that she found herself thinking of now.

* * *

_Mance Raydars camp_

_"Why are you doing this?" She questioned him._

_"Doing what?" He answered gruffly, his blue eyes staring firmly at his slave crow. Bryanna watched the wildling prince carefully; trying to understand what was going on inside his mind. "Shouldn't you be beating me by now? Raping me? After all I am a crow, a traitor to the watch, the crow bitch as your father names me," Torin eyes suddenly turned cold, the crow girl was pushing her luck with him, testing his patience._

_"My father acts before he speaks," he said icily "It is a flaw that only I can see, the fellow free folk will hang on every word that he tells them, believe him and cheer him on with his clever plans; yes he is a powerful man, but he does not strategize well." Bryanna frowned at Torins words, taking in every bit of information that she could for the watch. If she got out of this alive._

_"You're his son," She said firmly,"you should be following your fathers orders like a dog." with her words; Torin turned furious, drawing his bow he notched his arrow aimed at the crow girl in front of him that sat defenseless and chained to the floor of his tent._

_"Careful," He spat,"or I will shoot you full of arrows, bitch." He hissed. In that moment his wild-ling side showed clear. The aggression that he showed was that of his father. Bryanna knew that she should have been afraid but she wasn't, she had endured worse, instead she looked up at the tall prince and said venomously,"You think you can frighten me with that bow?" she said,"Loosing your arrows would be a mercy on my part. All the information that you request to know about the watch would be lost to you the moment that your arrow pierced me."_

_Torin glared at her then,"Your bastard would have all the information that we need, he is not loyal to us, I can see it," Bryanna felt her heart sink at the mention of Jon. "He is no crow," she said quietly,"He has turned his back on us, he is a turn cloak a traitor, and he is nothing to me."_

_Bryanna had to cover Jon's part as much as she could. She had to make Torin believe that Jon was a turn-cloak. Torin dropped his bow then and walked forward to the crow girl._

_"You better be right crow!" he threatened,"Because the moment that he betrays us, a quick death would be a mercy." At that he grabbed her face then, Bryanna glared at him in silence her heart pounding furiously with hatred and fright._

_"And if you betray me," He said squeezing her face tighter so that the pain made her squint her eyes,"You will know no boundaries to what I will do to you." He forced her to look at him then, hard blue eyes staring into firm brown eyes,"And I will prove what I say to you tonight."_

* * *

A single tear fell from her eyes; as she sat huddled around the fire. She remembered all to well what had happened to her that night. He had raped her; yet she hadn't refused him or protested at his touch. Why? Why hadn't she fought him off her? If she had fought him; then she would never have broken her vows to the watch; she would have still been sworn to the oath and not a traitor whore.

And Jon...

Even the thought of Jon snow hurt her. She had loved him; and she had never admitted it to herself until now. Jon was loyal to the watch; that she knew but when she saw him with the flame haired wild-ling girl; it made her sick to her stomach. Then again, she had been no better; she had been a plaything for Mance Raydars men; Raped Repeatedly in the snow in front of him, as he looked on with pity in his eyes and his wild-ling bitch grinned with satisfaction at her public humiliation.

Bryanna could see always that he so desperately wanted to intervene and stop her degradation; but she knew; that he knew that she would shun him if he dared try. They had a job to do beyond the wall "at all costs' the half-hand had told them; and by the gods it had come with a cost; the cost of her sanity and pride, but most of all the cost of her life.

Bryanna remembered the day when Jon had slain the half-hand; on the way to Mance Raydars camp. There had been an unspoken pact; silently shared between them; that only they knew. It was to gain to the wild-lings trust, make them believe that she and Jon were on their side. In that Jon had prevailed; where as she struggled to commit to the task at hand. She was loyal and determined, so different to the young naive girl that she had been back at winterfall.

What they had endured; she knew that they would forever be changed, life at the wall would never be the same again. How could it? After all they had seen? Changes, had already began since their return, the men were fewer, commander Mormont slain by his own men. The war in the north; had already begun to spread its disease over the land; corrupting whatever was in its wake. A part of her wanted to scream; wanted to knash her teeth and pull at her hair; but she was stronger than that; or had been until fate struck her in the face; and left her torn between loyalty to the watch and Jon; and freedom with...the prince?

The thought of Torin suddenly made her gasp. What was she thinking?

She felt sickened suddenly at the thought and battled the urge to vomit; until a figure appeared in front of her and forced her eyes to look upon his form.

**_Jon's POV_**

He didn't speak at first; instead he just watched her in silence; as she sat around the small fire; her long black hair strewn over her shoulders, lost in her own thoughts. She did not know that he was watching her; for he stood in the darkness so that he could watch her, before finding the courage to approach her.

What had happened to him? Jon thought to himself. He was a man of the nights watch; he was supposed to be strong; not cowardice; yet there he was hiding in the shadows atop the wall; struggling to find the courage to speak to this broken girl. The shame stung at him; because of what he had done with Ygritte; yet all the while that he had laid with the her; he had wanted it to be nothing more than Bryanna's body beneath him. It was even harder still because they had a past. They were more than a sworn brother and sister of the watch; they had grown up together at winterfell, had become friends at a young age; he had watched her grow from a child into a woman and he had admired the fire within her. When she had left at the age of one and 6 for the wall; with a ranger that was charged with keeping her safe; Jon had convinced himself that they would never cross paths again, until fate brought them together 5 years later.

He loved her, but still he could not force himself to admit it. Bryanna had consumed his thoughts; ever since her departure at winterfell. She was born of royal blood, but declined all royalty from her heritage; she didn't want to be high born, living a life of lace and silk, embroidery and suitors; she had wanted to be free and fight for what she believed in. She was strong, fiery and stubborn; quick to anger and even quicker with her tongue. She had skill with a blade; that no man at winterfell could match; she had a warriors soul.

It was all those things about her that had made him fall for her. Jon wasn't the type to fall for women easily; if anything he had spent his years in winterfell avoiding them. He had wanted no part with love, all he wanted was to prove himself with sword and loyalty to his lord father and show him just what his bastard was worth. With that, he knew was what drew him to fall for her at winterfell; it had been his secret for a year and had watched in bitter silence as she was told by Eddard stark that she was too marry Robb. Jon knew that she resented the thought of marriage, it spoiled her dream of freedom; yet here she was now free (in a sense) and had wore the battle scars on her face to prove it.

When he stepped forward out of the shadow , she looked up at him with red rimmed eyes; she had crying, something that she never did. The tension was so high between them that you could have cut it with a knife; this was the first time that they had been alone together since their return a month passed.

"What do you want?" She spat icily at him her face growing with anger, Jon did not answer her at first, he stood on the opposite side of the fire looking at her with a blank expression; his breath turning to steamy clouds of smoke as it met the bitter cold night air. She stared at him in waiting, her jaw tight and her eyes narrowed,"Are you deaf, Snow?" She spat,"A asked what you want?"

Snow, the use of his bastard name did not go unnoticed. Was he just a bastard to her now? Gathering his strength Jon finally spoke,"We need to talk," he gestured to the floor before saying,"May I?" Before kneeling down opposite her, never taking his eyes off her face. Bryanna looked away from him, anger prominent.

"I know I've hurt you," He began,"I have done unforgivable things, broken my oath." He trailed off at his last sentence, the memory of Ygritte consuming him once more. When she still did not look at him he stared at her; brown eyes noble and true,"I know I cannot make it right, I will suffer for my betrayal but you must know that what I did; I did for the watch."

At that she turned her eyes to look at him, cold and hard,"Is that what this is about?" She said dangerously,"Your little wild-ling bitch? I saw how content you were with her, I saw how you pined after her when she wasn't near you; don't try and tell me that you fucked her for the sake of the watch Jon, I know it's a lie, you wanted her." she stopped to stare into his eyes,"You still do."

"No." He told her. But why didn't he believe what he said?

"Do you take me for a fool?" She hissed "Do you know what they will do to you? They will hang you for a traitor."

"I will accept my punishment." He told her flatly,"It is more of an honorable death than I deserve" Bryanna openly laughed at then,"Oh how noble" she spat,"honorable Jon snow and his last words. I should kill you right now, Snow, for what you have done."

"Then kill me." He said looking into her eyes properly for the first time in a month. What he saw hidden behind them made his heart break, she was broken mess.

He knew that she would have done it if she wasn't torn between her loyalty to the watch and her heart. At his words she stared at him in cold contemplation, her fingers twitching at her side. It wouldn't take her long to draw her blade and cut him down, she was quick with a sword, swift; Jon wouldn't stop her if she did cut him down he deserved it.

"Don't try my patience," she warned him; staring into his eyes with intent to threaten. Jon stared at her from underneath his eyes, he had come here to try and make peace: a fools thoughts; he thought bitterly,"I'm not." He stated. Bryanna stared at him then before looking away.

Sighing Jon watched her in silence. The icy winds blew her hair gently over her face, her wounds had still not fully healed; upon her right temple a gash showed prominent, red and crusted. On her cheeks, lesions from the wild-lings dagger blades showed clear red and open; underneath her left eye a purple bruise engulfed her face from Ygritte when she had rendered Bryanna unconscious; and then there was the arrow wound upon her rib cage, the one that almost took her life.

"Bry",Jon whispered her name.

"What do you want from me Jon?" She said, her voice had a void of emotions,"For us to talk," He answered strongly,"We cannot go on like this."

"You should have thought of that when you were between that wildling bitches legs" She hissed her eyes flashed with pure hate then when she looked at him.

A sudden anger burned through Jon's veins then; the guilt and shame that he felt now turning into its own bitterness; did she not know that the resentment that she held for him; he held for her? He had watched her submit to Mance Rayders son; saw how her hate for the free folk suddenly turned to ashes in her mouth once she was stolen by him. She would deny everything that she felt; but she had wanted Torin as much as he had wanted Ygritte.

"Do you not think that I knew what I was giving up with her?" Jon said angrily,"Every night when I lay with her it was a reminder of the betrayal that I was committing, the shame, the disgust with myself; I didn't want it to happen, it had to happen; i had no choice; half-hand told me not to balk; do whatever it takes he said; it was the only way to get them to trust us; you know that; you did it to."

Jon saw the change upon her face then at the mention of her own betrayal with Torin; was the anger that she directed at him meant for herself also? Bryanna looked down at the flames, the anger within her extinguished for a moment.

"We've both done things for the watch Bry," he told her,"We played our part, we turned our cloaks and we did what the half-hand bid of us; we have all the information that we need; we're back where we belong now there are more important things at hand to worry about now."

Slowly, Bryanna lifted her eyes to look at his. She studied him carefully, her eyes blank, emotionless. The fire that had once dominated her soul; now gone. "Why are you really here?" She whispered defeated,"For a month we have been returned and for a month we have avoided each other; we haven't spoken or even dared acknowledge the other; why now do you feel the need to talk about a mission that both of us betrayed the other?"

Because I care for you; he wanted to say, but he knew that his words were empty. Fixing his eyes on her face; firmly he said "Thorn has demanded our presence." He told her as he rose to his feet and stood tall staring down at the broken woman before him.

A strong feeling of nausea overwhelmed her then at the thought of facing Thorn. She hated him, resented him. A sudden pain in her stomach made Bryanna jolt forward, she gasped allowed, her arms suddenly coiling around her stomach. Pain, such a great pain suddenly shot through her stomach; she felt as if Jon had pulled a dagger out and had trusted it into her belly.

The pain was unbearable; choking her from breathing calmly to make it stop. She wanted to scream; to collapse to the floor and writhe around like a mad woman but she resisted; suffered in silence; except this time Jon was there to witness it.

Jon stared at Bryanna with concern in his narrowed eyes. He watched as she clung to her stomach, breathing ragged and breaths sharp. Something was happening to her.

"Bry?" He said stepping near to her; his dark curly hair blowing in his eyes,"What is it? What's wrong?"

A small whimper escaped her lips then as she lifted her panicked eyes to look at his concerned face. She continued to rock back and forth the pain no where subsiding,"S-Something's wrong," She whispered through the pain,"Jon, something's wrong."


End file.
